“You ruined my life.” For many parents, these words are devastating—especially when they come from a child you’ve supported with love, resources, and endless second chances. While painful, these accusations often reflect internal struggles within the child, not the truth about your parenting.
Introduction
Few experiences cut as deeply for a parent as hearing their child say, “This is your fault.” Whether spoken in anger, pain, or confusion, these words can trigger a profound emotional and spiritual crisis. Parents may find themselves overwhelmed with guilt, defensiveness, or heartbreak, questioning their past choices and their worthiness as caregivers.
In this article, we explore what’s really happening beneath these words—and how you can respond with spiritual strength, emotional clarity, and grace.
Blame directed at parents can sometimes be rooted in underlying mental health challenges a child is experiencing. Conditions such as depression, anxiety, drug-abuse, personality disorders, or unresolved trauma can distort a child’s perception of past events and relationships. In these cases, blame may become a way for the child to make sense of their inner turmoil or external struggles.
Mental health issues can heighten sensitivity to perceived wrongs, amplify feelings of abandonment or injustice, and lead to black-and-white thinking, where parents are cast as the primary source of pain.
Understanding the psychological factors at play doesn’t excuse harmful behavior, but it can help parents respond with greater empathy and seek appropriate support for both themselves and their child.
Faith, Psychology, and How to Cope with Blame-Shifting and Emotional Manipulation
Psychology Behind the Pain
Blame-shifting occurs when someone refuses to take responsibility for their actions and instead places blame on another—often a parent. It’s a defense mechanism designed to protect the ego from guilt and shame.
Projection is similar: it involves attributing one’s own negative emotions or behaviors to someone else. For example, a child who feels like a failure may accuse their parent of being controlling or unsupportive.
Neutral/Professional: “Blame-shifting allows a person to protect their self-image by deflecting responsibility onto someone else.”
Empathetic: “Blame-shifting is a way some people avoid facing painful truths about themselves—by placing the burden on others instead.”
Faith-friendly: “To avoid the discomfort of self-examination, some deflect blame onto others, preserving their pride at another’s expense.”
Slightly Formal: “By redirecting fault, blame-shifting shields the individual’s ego—often harming those closest to them in the process.”
When these behaviors escalate into gaslighting, they can cause deep emotional harm. Gaslighting involves persistent denial, distortion, or manipulation of reality, causing the victim (in this case, you) to question your memory or worth. To counteract this, it’s essential to ground yourself in your own truth.
Keep a written record of significant interactions to help maintain clarity and perspective. Seek validation and guidance from trusted friends, a therapist, or a support group who can affirm your experiences and help you set healthy emotional boundaries.
Most importantly, recognize that gaslighting is often a defense mechanism rooted in the other person’s unresolved pain or mental health struggles—it is not a reflection of your value as a parent. Protecting your emotional well-being and getting professional support can help you respond with strength and clarity, rather than guilt or confusion.
Faith-Based Encouragement
From the Bible (King James Version):
“For every man shall bear his own burden.” —Galatians 6:5 ➤ Each person is responsible for their choices—even your child.
“The foolishness of man perverteth his way: and his heart fretteth against the Lord.” —Proverbs 19:3 ➤ Sometimes anger is misplaced—and wrongly directed at you.
From the Qur’an:
“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment…” —Surah Al-Isra (17:23)
“So whoever does an atom’s weight of good will see it, and whoever does an atom’s weight of evil will see it.” —Surah Az-Zalzalah (99:7-8) ➤ Islam teaches accountability for all deeds.
From Jewish Teachings:
“Honor thy father and thy mother…” —Exodus 20:12
“All your deeds are recorded.” —Pirkei Avot 2:1 ➤ In Judaism, disrespect to parents is a serious spiritual failing.
Coping With Strength & Wisdom
Acknowledge Your Truth You know the sacrifices you made. Don’t let false narratives rewrite your story.
Set Boundaries Without Guilt Even divine love includes discipline. You can be compassionate and firm.
Avoid Emotional Spirals Stay calm. Scripture in all traditions teaches restraint in the face of conflict.
Seek Support Therapists, clergy, support groups, and faith communities can provide strength.
Pray or Reflect Ask for strength, clarity, and healing—for you and for your child.
Final Word
Your worth as a parent is not measured by your child’s words in a moment of anger. It is measured by your faithfulness, your love, and your effort—even when it goes unseen or unappreciated.
Let go of what is not yours to carry. Stand firm in faith, in truth, and in the quiet confidence that you did your part.
Photo: “Illustration of Black History” Willie C.P. Kendrick III
The Maryland-National Capital Park and Planning Commission proudly presents its “Avenue of the Arts” Art Display, featuring the powerful and diverse work of local artist and illustrator Willie C. P. Kendrick III. Showcasing from June 9 through July 18, the exhibition will be featuring his original artwork at the Laurel-Beltsville Senior Activity Center, located at 7120 Contee Road, Laurel, Maryland.
From Service to Studio
Willie Kendrick’s creative journey is anything but ordinary. A native of Laurel, Maryland and graduate of Laurel High School, Kendrick answered the call to service by enlisting in the U.S. Marine Corps, where he served with distinction at MCAS Futenma (Okinawa) and Camp Pendleton (California), including deployment to the Persian Gulf during Operation Desert Shield and Desert Storm.
Upon completing his military service, Kendrick redirected his focus to his long-standing passion for visual art and design. His pursuit of artistic and technical mastery led him through a rigorous and commendable academic journey.
A Foundation in Technical Precision
Kendrick began his studies at The Maryland Drafting Institute, earning top honors including “Drafter of the Month” and the “Best Drafting Techniques” award in 1993. These early accolades speak to his precision and attention to detail, skills that remain evident in his artwork today.
He continued his academic path at Montgomery College, where he earned an Associate of Applied Science degree in Visual Communication/Illustration in 2001. His work earned him several distinctions, including the African American Academic Award, placement on the Dean’s List, and induction into Phi Theta Kappa.
In 2007, Kendrick graduated magna cum laude from University of Maryland University College with a Bachelor of Science degree, supported by an Orkand Scholarship, further cementing his commitment to both creative expression and intellectual growth.
A Career in Creative Service
Professionally, Kendrick has applied his skills in both the private and public sectors. He began as a Mechanical and Patent Drafter, then transitioned to working as a CAD Operator and Graphic Artist for the U.S. Department of Labor’s Job Corps program. Today, he serves as an Illustrator for the Defense Media Activity’s Navy Production Directorate, where he creates compelling artwork and animations for the Department of Defense.
A Versatile Artistic Voice
Kendrick’s portfolio reflects both technical precision and artistic depth. Though he favors watercolor on mixed-media paper, his range includes pen and ink, pencil, gouache, acrylic ink, acrylic gouache, and a variety of digital media platforms utilizing Wacom tablets and computer drawing software with equal finesse.
This exhibition offers a rare opportunity to witness the blend of discipline, emotion, and creativity that defines Willie Kendrick’s work. Each piece reflects not only his training and experience but also the story of a man who has walked diverse paths—as a Marine, a student, a professional, and a passionate artist.
Don’t miss the chance to explore the work of Willie C. P. Kendrick III and celebrate the vibrant talent within our community.
Exhibition Dates: June 9 – July 18 Location: Laurel-Beltsville Senior Activity Center Address: 7120 Contee Road, Laurel, MD Presented by: The Maryland-National Capital Park and Planning Commission
As a proud member of the National Council of Negro Women Metropolitan Dade County Section (NCNW-MDCS), I join our nation today in solemn remembrance and heartfelt gratitude. Memorial Day is more than a pause in our busy lives; it is a sacred moment to honor the brave men and women who laid down their lives in service to this country. Their courage, their sacrifice, and their legacy deserve not just our respect, but our ongoing commitment to the values they fought to uphold: freedom, justice, and equality for all.
Photo: Sharron L. Henley serving as Mistress of Ceremonies during Umbrella Luncheon May 4, 2025. (Miami, Florida)
For African Americans, Memorial Day carries a special resonance. Our history is deeply entwined with the story of this day. It is widely recognized that one of the earliest Memorial Day commemorations was organized in 1865 by formerly enslaved people in Charleston, South Carolina, who gathered to honor Union soldiers who fought and died for their liberation. This act of remembrance, born from a community long denied dignity, helped shape a national tradition that endures to this day.
Photo: 54th Massachusetts Regiment “Storming Fort Wagner,” Kurz and Allison, Library of Congress
We remember the 54th Massachusetts Regiment, Tuskegee Airmen, the 6888th Central Postal Directory Battalion, and countless others; Black men and women who served with valor, often in the face of segregation and discrimination.
Their service reminds us that patriotism is not defined by uniform treatment, but by unwavering dedication to the ideals of this nation, even when those ideals are not yet fully realized.
Today, as a member of NCNW-MDCS, I reflect on how our mission to lead, advocate, and empower Black women and their families intersects with the spirit of Memorial Day. We continue the work our ancestors began: building communities, lifting voices, and shaping a more just society. We do so standing on the shoulders of those who paid the ultimate price, not only on the battlefield, but also in the fight for dignity and equality at home.
As we lay wreaths, raise flags, and bow our heads in silence, let us also raise our voices in purpose. Let us honor the fallen not only in memory, but in action by building a future worthy of their sacrifice.
To our heroes: we remember you. We honor you. We will never forget you.
Photo: National Council of Negro Women Metropolitan Dade County Section Chaplain 2024-2026
National Council of Negro Women, Inc. Metropolitan Dade County Section, Inc. is a 501(c) (3) organization. For more information send email to mdcsncnw@gmail.com
CWC NEWS Interview Promo with President Shaquellia Holmes, NCNW-MDCS
The National Council of Negro Women, Inc. – Metropolitan Dade County Section, a community-based section, was chartered on January 21, 1990, under the leadership of Rev. Dr. Ann McRae. The organization is currently led by its president Ms.Shaquellia Holmes.
Brielle Archellus, a sixth-grade honor roll student from Liberty City, Florida faced classroom bullying. Her parents encouraged her to share her experience in an interview to encourage others to stand against bullying. Archellus was determined to tell her side of the story and give advice to other school-aged children.
Interview with Brielle Archellus
During the interview, a quiet, shy, and beautiful melanin-skinned young girl entered the building and nervously shuffled her feet under the table while adjusting her microphone. Then, in a soft-spoken voice, she said, “Hi, my name is Brielle Archellus, and today we are going to talk about bullying.” Archellus, while describing the bullying incident, nervously expressing how it was making her feel, brought her anti-bullying message to life.
“I just don’t understand why they want to bully someone; I just want to go to school and get good grades so that my mom and dad will be proud of me,” said Archellus.
“Sometimes people have problems at home that they don’t want to talk about. My mom, dad and brothers love me. They show me that they care. Sometimes kids don’t have that, so they get mad at you because you are happy. I’m not going to let them make me mad all the time, but I’m not going to let anybody just keep hitting me,” said Archellus.
The bullying incident that Brielle experienced is a prime example of why a self-defense K-12 Curriculum to combat bullying is vital in the local school district.
Self-defense classes, such as martial arts or karate, are usually offered by private companies or provided through an advocate diversion program after a person becomes a victim of bullying or the aggressor.
However, fees and costs associated with participation or certification of the classes mentioned above may pose a problem for minorities residing in low socio-economic areas in urban school districts, like Miami-Dade County Public Schools (M-DCPS). They have limited incomes or are receiving public assistance on a fixed income.
M-DCPS is the largest school district in Florida, and the third largest district in the nation. A diverse population of minorities, from low-income to middle income, with more than 35,000 employees, 340,000 K-12 students, inclusive of Title I Schools; whereas Title I provides federal funding to support effective, evidence-based educational strategies that close the achievement gap and enable the students to meet the state’s challenging academic standards. (M-DCPS Statistical Highlights 2019-2021).
“Providing evidence-based instruction that promotes preventive self-defense while incorporating character building, conflict resolution, and social-emotional skills, will decrease the number of victims affected by bullying and deter bullying in K-12 educational settings in Florida.” (Gage, Lee, et, al 2019) explained that utilizing the School Wide Positive Behavior Interventions and Supports program solely may not have a long-term effect, but by integrating evidence-based bullying prevention and intervention programs has the probability of producing positive outcomes with anti-bullying and behavioral bullying.
PSA:Stop Bullying with Jamari Bell
In an interview with Jamari Bell, featured in the “Stop Bullying” PSA, Bell shared his perspective and personal experience regarding a recent bullying incident. “I didn’t do anything to him. I am new to the school, and he thought that he could push me around. The first time it happened to me, I didn’t tell the teacher or my mom. He was bigger than me, but I wasn’t afraid to tell the teacher. I just wanted to handle it myself, so he would not bother me anymore,” said Bell.
“Bullying is not right, because they could hurt people’s feelings. It’s not nice to bully. Being a bully is not good because it can make people commit suicide. I think schools should have classes for people who get bullied and people who bully people so they could learn how to stop bullying,” said Bell.
“When people bully other people, sometimes that makes them commit suicide, and I don’t think that they should bully people,” said Bell.
Jamari’s mother, Mahoghaney Bell, expressed her concern about the way the principal handled the incident. “The principal called the school police on my son, and he was the victim. They need to do better with children that are victims of bullying,” said Bell.
#BullyingFacts
According to the CDC (2019), “1 in 5 youth ages 12-18 reported being bullied in the past year”. Victims of bullying may endure name calling, threats, and intimidation over an extended period, while many incidents go unreported out of fear or embarrassment.
“The bottom-line of the most current research findings is that being involved in bullying in any way—as a person who bullies, a person who is bullied, or a person who both bullies and is bullied (bully-victim)—is ONE of several important risk factors that appears to increase the risk of suicide among youth.”
According to the CDC (2019), “Students who experience bullying are at an increased risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, lower academic achievement, and dropping out of school.
Interview with Anthony Harris, Dean of Students
In an interview with Anthony Harris, Dean of Students, known for his raspy voice, at Excelsior Charter Prep Academy, of Miami-Dade County Public Schools, also known as Coach Harris, proudly discussing his anniversary of serving as a disciplinarian, mentor and coach to impressionable youth in urban areas of South Florida, showing considerable concern regarding the notifications of recent threats, and possible weapons on several campuses across the local school district.
“In the past 17 years I’ve served over 12,000 students, many whom were either victims or aggressors of bullying. However, most students, whether they’re victims or aggressors, don’t realize they’re bullying someone, on and off social media. This is behavior is not tolerated in the school district or at my school sites,” said Harris.
As a former athlete, Harris reluctantly recalls using bullying tactics, a common practice during his adolescent years, to members of the opposing team in high school. Harris recalls seeing the effects of bullying in his hometown community of Ft. Myers, Florida.
Overwhelming outcomes and experiences of becoming a college student, adjusting to changing behaviors as a professional athlete, transitioning to an NFL player, became a life changing decision for Harris to improve and expand his community involvement efforts to save troubled youth in urban school districts, experiencing bullying.
During the interview, Harris stated that, “Students should be able to come to school without worrying about bullying, gangs or illegal drugs on campus.”
“Students oftentimes become used to the behaviors of bullying, as victims, they become reluctant to report the incidents for fear of retaliation, but we have a zero tolerance for bullying, threats of school violence, or any other at-risk behaviors at our schools,” said Harris.
“Serving as a Dean of Students comes with an array of responsibilities, but first and foremost it is my responsibility to create a safe environment where the teachers can teach without distractions and the students can learn without distractions. I am only one individual, I believe that a curriculum focused on bullying prevention, delivered as a required course during school hours, would be beneficial, since after-school programs concentrate on sports, intervention should occur before they get on the field, just like the NFL,” said Harris.
In an interview, Lynda Roberts North Miami Beach Police Department Athletic League (PAL) and Florida State-Wide PAL Coordinator, discussed the importance of providing enrichment and prevention activities for youth ages 13-18.
“Offering a safe environment and cultural enrichment activities provides a diversion for bullying. When youth are engaged in meaningful and stimulating activities, they don’t have time for bullying. To show the seriousness of bullying in schools, it is worth putting some statistics into perspective,” said Roberts.
“Our job is to protect and serve as law enforcement officials, but we also have to consider the fact that some bullying incidents end in school shootings and homicides. We have to ensure that the youth served in our programs receive bullying prevention education to prevent incidents from occurring in our schools,” said Roberts.
“An innocent life lost to senseless gun violence is never acceptable to any family member. No one ever reaches a level of understanding, they only seek closure and someone to be convicted or take responsibility in the loss of their loved one, especially if it was caused by bullying, which can be prevented,” said Roberts.
“Youth enrolled in our Police Athletic Leagues across the state of Florida have a better opportunity in becoming productive citizens in our communities through prevention efforts and programs, designed to deter youth from at-risk behaviors,” said Roberts.
Roberts continued by saying, “PAL programs across the state of Florida continue to work tirelessly, and collaboratively with local school districts, social service organizations, and law enforcement groups, to deter at-risk youth behaviors. We have more work to do, if we plan on eradicating the effects of bullying on youth and their future.”
In an interview with Garry Graham owner of Graham Counseling & Consulting, LLC from New York, a licensed mental health counselor and therapist, he discussed counseling services for a few adults who were victims of bullying.
Interview with Garry Graham, Mental Health Counselor
“About 35% of the adults that I work with were bullied in their childhood, the remaining percentages possibly never admitted their experience, due to embarrassment. Those who have been bullied experience depression, or even feeling inadequate, or less of a person,” said Graham.
According to Sandee LaMotte of CNN adults serving as bullies, are the likely victims of childhood bullying, troubling childhood experiences, and adolescent bullying.
Based on a study in the Journal of Child and Family Studies by Ellen DeLara of Syracuse University, the need for expanded research by health care providers, supporting the impact of childhood bullying, and the effects of behaviors lasting into adult life is essential.
“A lot of people like to think that you have to put anti-bullying information in a K-12 curriculum. That’s the easy part. The identifying and most important marker for me is to identify the bully,” said Graham.
For more information on suicide prevention, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) or visit http://www.stopbullying.gov
Click on the link below to view or download a copy of “Should Miami-Dade County Public Schools include self-defense instruction for K-12 Curriculum to Combat Bullying?” by Sharron L. Henley (2022)
Sharron Charito Henley interviews Anthony Harris, Dean of Students for Excelsior Charter Prep Academy
As the 2021 Holiday Season approaches, students and teachers are preparing for an extended holiday break filled with celebrations and family gatherings. However, the recent school threats and social media threats are putting a damper on the joyous holiday season.
According to NBC Miami three students are facing felony charges for making deadly threats on social media against a local high school at Miami-Dade County Public Schools.
In an interview with Anthony Harris, Dean of Students, known for his raspy voice, at Excelsior Charter Prep Academy, of Miami-Dade County Public Schools, also known as Coach Harris, proudly discussing his 17 year anniversary of serving as a disciplinarian, mentor and coach to impressionable youth in urban areas of South Florida, showing considerable concern regarding the notifications of recent threats, and possible weapons found on several campuses across the local school district.
“In the past 17 years I’ve served over 12,000 students, many whom were either victims or aggressors of bullying. However, most students, whether they’re victims or aggressors, don’t realize they’re actually bullying someone, on and off social media. This is behavior is not tolerated in the school district or at my school sites”, said Harris.
As a former athlete Harris reluctantly recalls using bullying tactics, a common practice during his adolescent years, to members of the opposing team in high school. Harris recalls seeing the effects of bullying on others, leading into their adult careers and professional lives, in his hometown community of Ft. Myers, Florida.
Overwhelming outcomes and experiences of becoming a college student, adjusting to changing behaviors as a professional athlete, transitioning to an NFL player, became a life changing decision for Harris to improve and expand his community involvement efforts to save troubled youth in urban school districts, experiencing bullying, potential suicide as a victim of bullying.
According to a CNN article adults serving as perpetrators of bullying, are most likely victims of childhood bullying, troubling childhood experiences and adolescent bullying.
Harris suffering an injury as an NFL Player in 2003 decided to use his talents and experience of self-control on the football field to assisting, training and developing youth off the field in education, to deter youth from at-risk behaviors. He began volunteering as a mentor for local school districts, providing crime prevention and self-esteem building activities coupled with sporting events at no cost to youth in South Florida.
During the interview Harris stated that, “Students should be able to come to school without worrying about bullying, gangs or illegal drugs on campus”.
“Students oftentimes become used to the behaviors of bullying, as victims, they become reluctant to report the incidents for fear of retaliation, but we have a zero tolerance for bullying, threats of school violence, or any other at-risk behaviors at our schools”, said Harris.
“Serving as a Dean of Students comes with an array of responsibilities, but first and foremost it is my responsibility to create a safe environment where the teachers can teach without distractions and the students can learn without distractions”, said Harris.
This story involves details of bullying. If you need additional assistance, please visithttps://www.stopbullying.gov/
Resources
deLara, E. W. (2019). Consequences of Childhood Bullying on Mental Health and Relationships for Young Adults. Journal of Child & Family Studies, 28(9), 2379–2389. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-018-1197-y
The arrest of Zachary Latrell Stacy former NFL player, known as Zac Stacy offered no surprises to the social media community that viewed the disturbing video , reportedly showing him beating his ex-girlfriend in front of their 5-month-old son in Florida on November 13, 2021.
In an interview with reporter Anika Hope of WESH2 TV in Orange County, Florida,Kristin Evans, ex-girlfriend of Stacy, shared her story of the incident, and her fear of him bonding out, which would lead to possible retaliation of reporting the crime. In the interview, Evans admitted that the abuse began in early May 2021, but failed to report the abuse to authorities. Evans was quoted saying, “He has bullied me for so long and put me in a mental state where at one point, I believed it was my fault.”
As a survivor of her recent domestic violence incident, Evans developed a GoFundMe page in an effort to raise awareness about domestic violence.
According to the CNN article adults serving as perpetrators of bullying, are most likely victims of childhood bullying, troubling childhood experiences and adolescent bullying.
Quinn (2015) discusses that people who brutally attach others with violence, without treatment or mental health services, are experiencing unhealed trauma, neglect, and abuse in their backgrounds that will lead to adult abuse in relationships.
In an interview with former NFL Player Anthony Harris Harris became visibly upset while viewing the video. “My personal opinion concerning the Zac Stacy incident is that of total disgust. That behavior is completely out of line on several levels, as a man I don’t care what she did or supposedly did doesn’t deserve that type of treatment! As a former NFL Player I’m sure I can speak for most that he deserves severe consequences and should be incarcerated for a very long time”, Harris said.
Football has always been a violent sport whereas a typical description of a football player is often defined as indestructible, aggressive and violent. Domestic violence is not a newly occurring type of crime, but the problem is when that aggressive and violent behavior leaves the football field and returns to the home of players.
According to deLara’s Consequences of Childhood Bullying on Mental Health and Relationships for Young Adults Consequences of Childhood Bullying on Mental Health and Relationships for Young Adults Article the author describes the need for expanded research by health care providers to continue supporting the impact of childhood bullying and the effects of the behaviors lasting into adult life, is essential.
“As a member of the NFL Alumni Association, although it is my responsibility to help my brothers in the NFL to focus on healing as opposed to exhibiting violent behaviors towards loved ones, there is no excuse for bullying, or intimidating anyone, especially a woman. I have three sisters and I don’t want anyone putting their hands on them”, said Harris.
This story involves details of bullying and domestic violence. If you need additional assistance, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit https://www.stopbullying.gov/
References
deLara, E. W. (2019). Consequences of Childhood Bullying on Mental Health and Relationships for Young Adults. Journal of Child & Family Studies, 28(9), 2379–2389. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-018-1197-y
Quinn, P. (2015). Adult bullying — are we taking it seriously? Therapy Today, 26(8), 18–21.
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